Wings That Fly.. Wings that Try

There are times when you are young that you wish you were an adult and didn't have to listen to what everything thought was best for you. One would think that one knows what is best for him or her... and that only people or parents would let them be for once. There was a time in college that i wanted to go for an overnight trip with my friends in college to some nice place. This group of friends were all hosteler's in college while i was a staying with my parents and attended college as a day scholar. I was awed by the independent nature of my fellow students who could go wherever they liked, eat whatever they want, whenever they want.. study in the middle of night.. and sleep the whole day... They had this lifestyle that i thought was very cool. I used to love hanging out with them after college..and always used to hang out with them... but i had my restrictions at home about the time to be home for dinner and having night outs with friends or this cool overnight trip to the beach they had planned. I tried convincing my folks at home... and as usual there was a lot of resistance.. i pestered and pestered till the last day... and they didn't budge.. there was no reason that could have pacified me.. i had a huge showdown with my folks that night.. i gave them a lot of earful about having my life controlled to the last letter by them..and how i feel like an 8 year old going to an engineering college.. it wasn't like my parents had not understood or given me reasonable freedom..but i blamed everything from my bad grades to my supposedly having no real friends due to their attitude towards me.. and i said no i wouldn't go now even if you told me to go... and i went to my room and shut myself there.. i was seething with anger .. and as the anger subsided..the guilt crept in... and i felt that i had just said too much... i love my parents and they have only been protective about me... and even though they were being overprotective sometimes.. the reason was not lost on me totally.. Its then that i wrote a poem on a piece of paper from my diary... and in the morning i slipped it on their morning tea tray.. and my parents read it and that was one of the few times they have read any of my poems.. My dad smiled at me and squeezed my hand and put an arm around my shoulder. A hug would have been a surprise. He said " we may appear harsh but we don't want to smother you.. take your decisions but then be safe.. and always let me know of your whereabouts..We trust you but its hard to let go". I was allowed the next trip without many questions and i kept the part of my promise...Here is the poem that i wrote that day... :)

When will I be free, When will I fly above all

when will my own finally realize, that im now tall

why dont u let me go ,give me a free fall

i may hurt myself, but i will rise and crawl

Expose me and let me fly ,show me my wings

the wings that shine so white, and the voice that sings

the soul that dreams and roams ,the far sea and land

the dreamland untold awaits, may be dark or grand.

Why these white strong wings, when i cant fly

this heart here beats with courage but cant try

It has seen love, of the ones who love me

they protect me, but never will you let me be

Let me be, from your love, try you should

for my heart is small, but my soul is good

For one day i want to grow into your shoes

I wanna sear the clouds, wanna sail the blues.

Please understand today,that i need to grow.

sometimes u need to, let ur loved ones go.

today or tommorow one day, i will be gone.

that day again in this world, i will be born

u will still be my loved ones,u will be in my heart.

just trust me forever, and let me carve my own path.

so that there will be a path, with stones that you lay.

Remember i am a part of you , ur the potter im the clay.

So shape me without a care today,let the clay spin

and let Fate take care of me ,Let the joy brim,

In this world of your Love, Let me go for loves sake.

You and the potter would guide me, a true masterpiece to make.

I revisited this poem after my graduation when i was in Mumbai at my smallish stint at Godrej. There were a lot of things that were not going my way. I was not coming to terms with the responsibility and the fickleness of friendships at that precarious phase of ones life. When you leave behind everything to achieve what you believe is good for you. The price of shouldering your own responsibility while taking up your first job with the passion that is unique to that 20 something spirit, is the realization that the carefree net of parents and friends that always were there during your childhood through your adulthood aren't there anymore.. The parents have finally let go and the friends have their own dreams to chase.. they are still there when you need them..but they are not around anymore.. and there were times in the lonely smallish one room apartment, when i felt suddenly all alone..and scared and wished that time would turn and those days come back again, when friends were always around.. and your flock that had vouched to always keep in touch... couldn't help you to drive that loneliness away... So that day sitting on my bed alone in that dingy apartment.. with memories of my boss reprimanding me for a bad day... and no one around to talk as if nothing happened.. i wrote this again being this bird that seemed suddenly lost..

I am flying high today, flying to the clouds

i have my dreams today,with no bounds

I am gonna fly very high,i thought one day

till the horizon touched, i wont rest in anyway

Today restless i fly, with a faint direction

towards the horizon,i am tired in the reflection

mirrored in the sea below, with those many waves

the wings hit hard and the sea doesn't stay

Into my eyes i look, i see my tired self

then i look out around, not a soul at sight

I look back at the water, and my eyes now red

I think back to the days, from where my life has led

My goal is at sight and i wanna achieve

My self and my happiness i wanna retrieve

But where is my flock that where here with me

where have they gone, why them, i cant see.

Then i realize that i left, left them far behind

or maybe each went away from the searing wind

Thier own sunset and goal,they had to find

but then are they happy or just too blind?

Alone i fly towards my destination, and they thier own

I miss my flock today, i miss my world thats flown

they must have gone, Towards the endless sea

and as i look into my reflection, i find them in me

But why did they have to fly away from me today,

When i need them around me to stay.

They too may be tired, like me yearning somewhere

Calling out loud to me, and i cant be there

Wish they knew that we are chasing the wrong end,

The paths that cross, the messages that blend

Together we can cross the oceans of the world

Together we are flock, alone we are a bird.

Moving On..

This was my first poem on my first blog (Adi's World). I am posting this as it deserves that importance in my life...
A reader did comment on this post saying "Its intriguing that how much creativity does a heartbreak inspire"...I feel that's so true.. some of my best poems did conjure themselves during the lowest phase of my life. After years of writing this one ( 5 years).. This still brings relevance to any person that has gone through a heartbreak....I can now vouch that "moving on" from a place in your life.. which you once felt that couldn't be endured anymore... actually makes you realize that how mundane your concerns were.. .. there are many more similar phases in my life that have come over these years.. and each time i surprise myself.... about how easy it is to live life.. without dwelling on the past... just moving on.. on the hope that the dot of light..that you follow may actually be a lighthouse..showing you the shore..But this has assured me of one thing... life moves on.... and you have to eventually catch up with it... cause there are many mistakes to be made... may lessons to be learnt and a lot of happiness to received.

You woud think by now,I would know my way around,

I shouldn miss you so badly,I shuld be on familiar ground.

How many more lonely months, must meander by,

until I learn the lesson, it does no good to cry.

Wat Kind of iron will,must some people possess,

to be always looking forward, to never accept regress.

Perhaps if I was willing, to let someone take me by the hand,

they could show me a happy place, in this unfamiliar land.

But im weary to give my hand again, for  none can match u ,

Uve always been in my heart, keepin me from starting anew,

Perhaps Im only demanding, for all the joys that once were mine,

I must accept that they and you, belong to another place and time.

But I know that deep within my heart,there's a place where only you reside,

and when the pain of loneliness comes, it knows now dat where I hide.

So if sometimes it seems to me n my frnds, Im clinging to the past,

its mostly because I cant yet accept, that our love didn't last.

No matter how hard I try, I've yet to get over you,

for the part of me thats still alive, believes you love me too.

Maybe there will come a day, when that part will finally die,

and feeling strong with a heart reborn, a new love I will finally try.

And what a splendid day that will be, when I WAKE to discover,

I'm happily learning a great new land, with a new friend and lover.

Dream a little more...

Look around you, look at others, your family, friends, roommates, etc.. When was the last time you looked in the mirror and looked beyond the clothes.. and peered into those stony eyes? Do you see yourselves with the battle wounds.? We in this country and especially our generation fight a battle almost everyday. Constantly fighting in life for something that we believe should be worth achieving and will make our life a little better. Be it for the toy that you too wanted when you were 5, The new bicycle you wanted when you were 10, The video game you looked with gleaming eyes at your neighbours place. All the things you wanted when your were a teen... the smile of your first crush. The girl or boy whom your thought would just look your way once,... ready to fight the world for one smile. :) or that bike that you wished you had. During your midlife you realize that maybe having a partner would ease the battle.. and get married. Later in life, you battle maybe for getting the best out of your kids and fight for giving the best to them. Life comes a complete circle and we still keep battling to live a life that you always dreamt of having while you were asleep. You wake up and get ready for the battles to live your dream..and while we are fighting and losing...and again fighting... its the dream's that keep you alive and drive you to keep fighting after every failure.. after every hurt...its the sleep that heals..its the dream that rebuilds...

Let me sleep ma, its been a long night

All night tiill the wee hours, I've held on to fight.

Again i will remind myself to dream in my sleep,

Of the incomplete dreams, that time couldnt keep.

The midnight oil is burning in my eyes

I have been proving them but to be not lies.

The night is yet to set, let me sleep a little more.

The pain of not reaching there, my body still sore.

Those incomplete dreams that I were unable to realize

I want to gaze at them beneath my closed eyes.

Let me once more ressurrect them in my sleep.

Let the cuts of failure heal before they run deep.

Let me sleep ma, Its been a lonely night.

All night till the wee hours ive held on to fight.

fighting the fear that i indeed may loose again.

I am not going to hide my valiant fear in vain.

Beneath these closed eyes Those seeds i will sow.

Blooming those flowers swaying in the wind that blows.

My mind wants to dream of the perfect dream.

To the world however wastefull it may seem.

So Till the dawn let me dream it again tonight

Before as feared, somehow something cuts my kite.

And i run again to fetch the free kite that sways

So that atleast the fathomable memory stays.

The night is yet to set, let me sleep a little more,

Untill tommorow's dawn warms me to the core.

The sun will rise and give me the strength,

To chase my dreams till the end of my breath.

And tired or smiling however i return to my bed.

Let me sleep longer again so that the dreams never shed.

The dreams will never shed............................